


alone

by beekathony



Category: Shadow and Bone (TV), The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: F/M, Happy International Women's Day, Masturbation, seige and storm - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-15 03:08:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29926995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beekathony/pseuds/beekathony
Summary: Alina finds herself in what used to be the Darkling's room, and as she lies in his bed, recalling the very real vision she had of him, her hands wander, bringing her pleasure.
Relationships: The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov
Kudos: 34





	alone

**Author's Note:**

> this is just a quick little drabble I thought of while reading that scene in seige and storm when Alina sees the Darkling appear to her while she's in his room!

_“My Alina,” he had said._

When the Darkling touched my cheek, I felt him. The warmth from his touch was still there on my skin, and now I let my fingers settle there, remembering. There was something about being in his room, in his bed…

I couldn’t help but wonder what personal effects had once occupied this space. What books lined the shelves? Did he keep a journal? This dark room was so… impersonal, so blank and unfeeling. So empty without him.

Once Mal and the twins had left after my little outburst with the light, I sat on the edge of the bed. I called a servant in, requesting to bring my dinner on a tray. My hands were still shaking. My heart was still racing from what I had just seen.

Seeing the Darkling once could be chalked up to an adrenaline rush, or perhaps a hallucination, but twice? However, I was in his room, a place he had spent countless hours in. It made sense that I should think of him. And I thought of him often, even though I didn’t want to.

That sharp clean smell drifted around me, and I sighed. For all the horrible things the Darkling had done, at least he would tell me what I should do right now. I had no true right to command the Second Army. Of course they didn’t want to listen to me, someone who hadn’t been brought up here at the Little Palace.

But the Darkling hadn’t either. Like me, he too was an outsider, trying to belong somewhere he wasn’t welcome.

If he were here, he would tell me to not show my weakness — to not show them how terrified I was. Why was it that every time I thought of him, my heart did not quake with fear? Yes, he was a monster, but I knew goodness still lingered behind his tough façade. As I laid back, my head touching the very pillow that belonged to him, I imagined him in this very room.

After a long day of having to answer to the King or commanding the other Grisha, he would come here. Perhaps he would read a book to ease his mind, or pace back and forth as he thought of war strategies. His presence was palpable, as if I could reach out and touch him.

It was easier to think of him as just a man, closing his eyes and sleeping like everyone else. His breathing would slow, and maybe he would even snore. I couldn’t help but laugh at that mental image.

I looked up, staring blankly at the large canopy above me. Then I shut my eyes, and pictured him here, next to me in this bed.

He laid on his side, watching me, his gaze never wavering.

My hands, still shaking, slid along my body, up and up until they cupped my breasts. I took a deep breath, conjuring the image of him touching my cheek and calling me his Alina. Every part of me knew this was wrong, but it felt so good.

I let my fingers play with my nipples over my night clothes. They stiffened, and I pinched one, thinking about his breath hot on my skin.

Ever night for years, the Darkling came to this bed, touched these very sheets. My right hand moved to my side, wishing that he was here beside me to touch. I fisted the sheets in my hand as I slid my left hand down my stomach, resting it between my legs.

What would the Darkling say if he could see me now?

_“Faster, Alina,” he might say._

My breath caught in my throat as I finally pressed my fingers against my center, stroking it slowly. One finger dipped in, collecting the wetness before pressing firmly on my clit. I’d never felt such pleasure before, touching myself as I thought of him.

Of how his mouth would feel on mine — my lips, my neck, and between my thighs.

I let my other hand pinch my nipples, twisting and pulling as I inserted one finger inside my sex. It wasn’t hard to imagine that my fingers belong to someone else, to the Darkling, and that he would tease me before letting me come.

_“I’m going to make you scream, Alina,” he might’ve said._

I squeezed my breast, biting down on my bottom lip to keep quiet. Another finger slid inside and I pumped my hand faster, moaning at the sound of my own wetness. Had the Darkling ever laid in this very bed and thought of me? Had he ever touched himself picturing my hand on his body?

“Oh,” I sighed, rubbing my clit harder with my thumb as my fingers pumped in and out. My back arched off the bed, and it was his hand that I pictured touching me as I came. His mouth kissing me as I felt waves of pleasure crash over me.

Limp, I rolled onto my side, taking a deep breath as I inhaled his scent once again. I let it envelop me, shield me from all the thoughts racing in my head. If he were here, maybe he would hold me, and tell me everything was going to be alright.

I curled up into a ball, wrapping my arms around myself. Silent tears fell down my cheeks as I thought of the Darkling, aching to be near him, and yet scared by that very revelation.


End file.
